


Dinner: To Die For

by RegrettiTheSpaghetti



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: The Animated Series, Gotham (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, I'm so proud of the dynamic, Oneshot, but im visualizing the btas ones, i had fun with this one, it walks a fine line, no specific time, pals, so much fun, some - Freeform, this could be any batman and joker
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-15
Updated: 2017-08-15
Packaged: 2018-12-15 14:36:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11807964
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RegrettiTheSpaghetti/pseuds/RegrettiTheSpaghetti
Summary: In which we find out that The Joker holds a particular dislike for new phones, Batman and Robin get tangled up in his new nets, and Harley Quinn realizes she's in for it. Just another Monday night in Gotham City, I guess.





	Dinner: To Die For

**Author's Note:**

> This is a oneshot and it fits the animated series pretty well but any ol' joker and batman can do this one... Harley and Robin make some appearances as well. This has been hanging around my documents for a loooong time and I just never got around to posting it like I wanted to.

"Hahahaha Ahahahaha HAHAHAHA, looks like the bat got caught in a net!" A Chilling voice remarked from the darkness.

"Joker, show yourself, now." Came a hissed reply.

"Batman I- I can't move!" Came the angry voice of Robin as he struggled and grunted in the darkness.

"Oooooh, isn't this just nice, we've caught ourselves a little birdie too! Harley, light 'em up!" Nothing happened, the Joker grimaced in the shadows. He queued Harley again, his cheer more strained.

"Haaaarley, don't you wanna see the big bad bat and his little Robin? Ha- Arley Quinnnnnn? HEY, HARLEY?!" The Joker's attempts at making his companion do as she was told were useless. He made a "tch" sound and a soft light filled the room. From the nets Batman and Robin were stuck in they could see The Joker's gloved hands trying to navigate a cellphone.

"OH I do hate these gloves!" He yelled before taking off the gloves and returning to his attempt at using the phone.

"Egh, touchscreens just aren't working for an ol' guy like me..." The crazed creature (For man he is not) gave a few fake sniffles. Finally, he dialed in a number and held it up triumphantly. The phone rang obnoxiously and he waited a few seconds before tapping the speaker button. He waited some more, getting progressively more impatient as nobody picked up.

The call went to voicemail, the clown prince of crime made an aggravated sound.

"Oh, when I see her next I think we'll be having some words. She's missing all the fun... Hmm, Batman what do you think we should do next. Go for dinner?" The Batman growled lowly. "No? Aw I promise I'll pay the bills, we can even get a doggy bag for our little bird!"

The Joker expounded upon the dinner they were going to "have" for several minutes and started inching closer to Batman. A switchblade materialized from seemingly nowhere as did a little spray can labeled "Joker Gas."

"You know, how about we just bring the poor boy, no sense in leaving Robin at home. He might burn the house down, wouldn't want that happening." The Joker, who had been in Batman's face by now moved to Robin very suddenly. One of his hands mushed around Robin's face and each time it moved the switchblade swiped at his skin like a claw.

"Get away from him" Batman commanded harshly from his net. The Joker was a few feet away at this point and gave a low chuckle before snapping.

"Oh stop you, he's not going to embarrass mummy and daddy like that. We haven't had a family dinner in ages and you remember, the meal is to die for." The Joker was giving Batman a sick grin by now but kept holding Robin's face as tight as possible. Red spots were starting to form on the boy's cheeks in places that had been pinched.

The Joker's cell phone rang from a spot on the floor, he'd thrown it down in annoyance before. His eyes flashed and he almost simmered as he stalked over to the offending object and picked it up. He fumbled with the touchscreen, cursing and muttering under his breath.

"What?!" The criminal groused, holding it to his ear. Harley Quinn's high pitched voice came in at full volume, the speaker button still on and the Joker shrunk back, cringing.

"Huh, yeah, hey Mistah J I got stu-" The Joker cut her off here.

"Harley, tone it down will ya!" 

"Well I can't very well do that right now, I'm at the docks and it's louder than a building explosion here!"

"W- Why are you still at the docks?!" The Joker hissed into the phone, getting angrier.

"Cuz you told me to stay here till the shipment came in and it got delayed ya putz!" There was silence for a moment, Harley gasped into the phone. The Joker was seething now, he opened his mouth to respond when he stopped. Eyes narrowing, face loosening but grip on the phone tighter than ever, the Joker's voice became low and nasty.

"You and I are due for a talk Harley, a long talk."

"Oh Mistah J, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, it was all my fa-" Her fearful pleading was cut off when he turned off speaker and brought the phone back to his ear.

"Try to keep your trap shut Harley, I expect you back here soon, we'll talk about the shipment and other matters when you arrive." He said, you could hear a quiet response before the Joker hung up. He turned to where he'd left Batman and Robin but they were gone, the nets ripped open. The Joker stalked forward, that horrible grin back on his face.

"Oh where, oh where can my Bat-friend be?" He asked in a sing-song voice, twirling around. He didn't seem to register the looming shadow behind him or appear to expect Batman's hands to grab his arms and hold them behind his back. Batman slammed the clown down on the floor and started to cuff him, Robin was ready to fight should the Joker escape his mentor's hold. The Joker didn't seem fazed by this turn of events, instead he cackled. His eyes had a terrible glint in them. 

"Oooh, handcuffs, kinky!" He jibed, Batman tightened the hold and scowled.

"Unfortunately Bats I don't have much time for this today, you see I have an important meeting with Harley. You were there-" The Joker twisted himself around and kicked at Batman's stomach. It wasn't enough to injure him but it caught the vigilante by surprise. At the same time two out of the Joker's many psychotic followers rushed in and distracted Robin. The Joker slid under Batman and managed to run to the other side of the room when he was grabbed again. This time the Joker was going completely silly with laughter.

"Ah-ha, Oho, Ahahaahahaha, OHO-" Batman shoved the clown against a wall, it did nothing to stop the cackling.

"You're going back to Arkham Joker, under the highest security possible!"

"Ahahaha, that's where you're wrong Bats, so wrong. You might wanna be careful..." The Joker jerked for a minute, his eyes narrowed again, "You've got something in your..." The Joker gritted his teeth, pulled up his cuffed hands and sprayed Joker Gas right into Batman's face. "...Eyes!" Batman staggered back and gave a shout of pain, covering his eyes. The Joker laughing, wasted no time in making his escape. By the time Robin fought off the increasing amount of henchmen he found his mentor slumped against a wall, scowling, injecting an anti-toxin into his arm. 

"Br- Batman, are you..." Robin inquired worriedly.

"I'm fine, I'll be fine, we have work to do tonight." He stated through gritted teeth before getting off the ground. As he stalked away Robin looked back at the sight of unconscious gangsters, hearing the fast approaching sirens. He was worried about Bruce, whatever the Joker developed was new and obviously caught them both off guard. Joker Gas wasn't a new concept but he seemed to have changed and improved it's potency. As he followed Bruce a voice came in through Dick's earbud.

"Young master Dick, I'm seeing dangerous levels of toxin in Master Bruce's body might I sug-"

"I know Alfred... I know." Dick sighed as they jumped off a rooftop, it wasn't going to be an early night.

**Author's Note:**

> Lemme know what you think!


End file.
